Listen to this post:
Behold the lurker! After having been here for a while, the lurker may well exclaim:
“I was wrong to hope this website would make my love life easier. What a portrait of mankind! Here I was, only looking for easier ways to get laid. Now I am re-examining my entire life! I now think of things I never thought about and consider things I’ve never considered. The goal-posts keep moving further and further. This website has made life HARDER, not EASIER.”
But the question is not whether your love life is harder or easier but whether it is true.
“Did he just say ‘true’?”
Yes, he did. But nevertheless, let us get to the heart of the matter.
You say, “This website has made things harder. I now see things that I was blind too. Much work must be done.”
However, you are not pained by this. Rather, this is the source of your melancholy:
“I see others who consider nothing, do not consult their dreams, and so end up in a life of bliss.”
Oh, pernicious website! Are Don Juans now villians, only to whisper evils into your head? Why does it seem things have become harder and more painful?
You have two paths in love and life.
1) Live your dreams.
2) Live other people’s dreams.
So far, every article, every technique, every tip, is poured to flow through the filter of satisfying women and getting women to like you. I can sum up most, if not all, of these ‘how to get women’ advice with three words:
Dump your dreams.
Take your typical guy. Which does he fear more? Is it ‘being dumped by the girl he likes,’ OR is it ‘dumping his dreams’?
You protest, “It is not so cut and dry! A relationship involves some compromise.”
And while that is true, young men are doing everything they can to avoid that they aren’t being true. No, you cannot expect to get your way with everything and life. And no, you don’t expect a girl to drop her dreams solely for yours. The entire idea is not to like the same hobbies and think each other is hot. No, it is to be going the same way in life.
“You can have your dreams and the girl too.”
But only by embracing your dreams first and the girl second. If you embrace the girl first, you may be allowed to live out certain dreams or not, depending on her choice. This is why I say it is not a question of whether your love life has become HARD or EASY, but rather if it has become TRUE or FALSE. False Love and False Life is living someone else’s dreams. This may make some happy (especially for those who do not, or will not, dream). Others become more melancholy and the rest will lie to themselves. (“But Pook, how do guys get caught up in this?” Because they place the dream on the girl, so she becomes his ‘dream-girl’. This is how he convinces himself he is getting both the dream and the girl.)
Two paths in love and life. Live your dreams or live other people’s dreams. One path is HARD. The other path is EASY. One path leads to SECURITY. The other path leads to FREEDOM.
Permit me, for this paragraph, to use the analogy of money to love and life. We know how rich people live and what they drive. And let us assume, for this paragraph, that all people want what the rich have. There are two ways (in this paragraph at least) to obtain it. One is to buy the super cool car, big house, and everything else on bad debt. The other way is to obtain the assets and wealth to actually buy them. One way is EASY. The other way is HARD. One way requires little to no risk. The other takes a lot of risk (obtaining wealth and assets takes courage to go out and create. Bad debt does not). By going into bad debt, you end up literally working for those who lent you the money. And you know what? The world encourages you to get into bad debt. You can easily get a loan on a house you cannot pay off within 30 years. And look in your mailbox. Is that another pre-approved credit card? It’s the third one this week. There are lots of people who ‘look rich’ but they are in major debt. I ask you, ‘Are they free?’ They will be working for the bank and car companies to repay the debt with most of the days from their life.
In the same way, young men do the same for women. They look ‘rich’ because they have the women and can enjoy them, but what was the price they had to pay for it? Whose dreams are they following? And because of that choice, who is he working for? Both the seducer and nice guy work for the women’s dreams as they seem to have none of their own. It is the price for security. And just like bad debt, the world seems to want you to take this EASY path. Movies exemplify this thing called ‘love’ that you must sacrifice your dreams to. Pop songs are modern prayers to the Woman Goddess, to satisfy her and your addiction to female praise (which, today, we label as male ‘love’.)
Let me show a chart to illustrate the point.
Pook drags a display up onto the stage.
Turn on the light, please. Thank you. This, gentlemen, is what I call the Security Path, the easy path that is default in 90% of young males:
Time Difference in the Security Path
Girl: Has girlfriend, multiple girlfriends.
Friends: Hang out with old buddies.
Job: OK job. Steady paycheck. Pays the bills.
Family: Loves you.
Girl: No girl or same old girl.
Friends: Same friends.
Job: Same or similar job. Promoted perhaps.
Family: Loves you.
Pook hits the chart with his pointy stick.
In both current and later states, his family and friends are pleased with him. After all, he has a girl. He has his buds. He has a steady job that more than provides. And his family loves him. After all, he repeated exactly what his Dad did. So what more could he want?
Now scroll your eyes over to the ‘later’ side. He will one day wake up and realize he is now ‘average’ in life. He has not grown at all during the time difference. He is what he was with just an aged rotting body. Where is the dream?
All right guys, bring out the next chart.
Time Difference in the Freedom Path
Girl: No girl.
Friends: Left many
Family: Thinks he
will become loser.
Girl: Has girl (or girls) who likes his life and him. (Life gets richer because
she is with him because of the dreams he embraced, not to be a mere workhorse.)
Friends: New friends. (Often smarter, cooler, better people).
Job: Got the job or made the business/investments he always wanted.
Family: Often despises him for his success.
Pook tapped with his pointy stick.
Here, he seems like a loser currently. Yet, he wins in the end. It is painful and hard to not go for the nearest girl but rather for the girl who likes what you like. (Note: why is so much attention on obtaining the girl but neglecting ourselves? The answer should be obvious.)
Look at his friends! He had to leave them behind. It is painful for sure. But he made new friends which helped develop himself into a better character.
Oh, and there is the job. He was transitional. He was trying out different jobs. He was starting businesses. He was making mistakes. The Security Path is scared of making mistakes. In fact, the Security Path praises itself because it is mistake-free! But in the end, the Freedom Path gets to work in his job of choice.
What I find particularly noteworthy is how there is the frustration that starts early in the Freedom Path, it vanishes over time. However, in the Security Path, the initial pain is not there but accumulates over time. The poor soul either suffers or lies to himself: i.e. “I have done the honorable path.” But you did not honor your dream and so committed treason against your Gift.
This, I said to myself, is what the initial young man, who found this website to be creating more pain and frustration in his life, apparently did not understand.
Perhaps we should remember the analogy of a medicine shot. The shot is initially painful, as was the shock of many of the things you’ve learned here. Taking action and embracing your dreams, rather than ‘securities’, is initially hard but it gets easier in the same way the shot is painful but soothes over time. Those who did not take the shot ran into disease later in life. For those that did, each day gets more wonderful and brighter, rather than more melancholy and darker.
Here is another parable. A young man was mad that his current days of life were frustrating and hard. “Rotten Nature!” he raged and shook his fist at the sky. “How unfair you are!” But Nature replied, “Foolish youth! This ‘pain’ and ‘frustration’ is merely my discipline. As you know, you cannot take joy in this pain. But know that those who humble themselves to the ways of life will find the discipline cease as you learn my ways and the fruits of life shall become available. Until you learn your lessons, I will continue to deliver discipline.”
And perhaps the scared young men in particular, whose hearts are dazzled by the securities that women supposedly ‘bring them’, will consider life from this side of the question.
Perhaps they will say to themselves: “The origin of my dream-girl was to place my dream onto her. Thank heavens I was saved from such shackles! Now I know to embrace my dream, and to those girls who love that choice, they cease to be the girl of my dreams but the girl in my dreams.”
So what hope is there for the average guy? “Don’t be average.”
And how do you do this? “By doing what average guys don’t do.”
Which is? “Embracing the dreams first, the girls second.”
One strange phenomenon I’ve noticed among those of the Security Path is that, yes, they construct a ‘dream-girl’ and marry her. Talk to the gentleman and ask about his wife. He will paint the most wondrous praise and glory of his wife, with such animation and passion, even (especially in this case) if she is a fat hag!
Your wife ought to be praised but such infinitude and animation belongs to your dreams, not to a particular female. Do not make the Dante mistake and turn your Beatrice into a gigantic heavenly body.
The difference is so clear and precise. Those on the Security Path submit life to love. Those on the Freedom Path submit love to life. The Security Path reaches only for love. But those on the Freedom Path reach for life first and end up with both life and love. One projects the dreams onto the girl. The other invites the girl into his dreams.