For Those in Doubt

A transcript on Tom Leykis show is below. Read.

A listener writes in and says, “I told my girlfriend I wanted a prenup [prenuptial agreement]. She said, ‘You have nothing!’ I said, ‘It’s for future earnings.’ She got pissed and she said, ‘Well, I don’t want to get married.’ But then she agreed to sign if I gave her a baby. Damn, Tom. Then I’ll be into her 18 to 22 years. I’m confused. Should I have a family—or not and be alone?” And it is unsigned.

I cannot tell what your age is, but I’m guessing you’re young. I do not think you’re 30. I think you’re closer to 20. But what you can see from this negotiation here is that her interest is not in you. It’s in money. Mon-ey. Like so many women, she wants to lay some of the burden of life on you. She wants you to pay.

By the way, just because you don’t have some leech of a broad living in your home doesn’t mean you’re alone. You’ve got friends. You’ve got your family. You’ve got chicks to screw. You are not alone. And just because some broad moves into your house doesn’t mean you’ve got company or security. That broad can stop putting out. She can lie to you and have sex with other people behind your back. She can refuse to do housework or leave the care of the child up to you. So many things can go wrong. Is it really worth it?

Take it from me: There is nothing wrong with living alone. Nothing. The problem is being lonely, not living alone. Living alone is the best thing I did for myself. Ever. And it is not for the reasons you think. It is not because I can “screw whoever I want.” Nothing like that. More often than not, the reason you want to be alone is to do the things you take for granted now. And if you’re still living with Mommy, maybe these are things that you’ve never had the opportunity to do. Some of the things you can do include [watching] whatever you want on television. Sports, for example. Or not [watching] television at all. Broads love watching TV. And they like the shows you hate—makeover shows, entertainment shows, shows about the entertainment industry, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, The Insider. Those are the shows they like. You don’t watch those shows. Would you like that as the soundtrack of your life in the background all the time?

Chicks expect you to take the majority of the financial burden. Trust me when I tell you: You’ll be paying for most of the rent, if not all of it; most of the electric bill; most of the gas bill; most of the cable bill; the satellite bill. She will want clothes and accessories. Who do you think is gonna pay for that?

Groceries for one—I don’t care what they say, they say “two can live as cheaply as one?” Yeah, tell that to the supermarket when she insists on buying things you don’t have in your house, like yogurt or 2-percent milk or tampons. If two can live as cheaply as one, you’re going to have to cut back in order to accommodate her and her needs. Moisturizers, ten-dollar bottles of shampoo, all kinds of things that you are not buying now, you’ll be on the hook for.

You can have sex, you can have companionship, you can have friendship, and not have anybody living at your house. That means you can live in a smaller place and pay less for it—lower utility bills, lower grocery bills, lower phone bills because she’ll no doubt want you to take over her cell phone bill. She’ll have you paying for that. Women also are obsessed with buying gifts for every obscure person. Hey, I’m all about buying birthday gifts for my buddies, people close to me.

Most chicks I know keep a Rolodex of everybody they’ve ever known and insist on sending cards and gifts to people they haven’t talked to in five years. You don’t do that.

There are a million reasons you want to be alone, not the least of which is, you don’t want to have to answer for your whereabouts all the time. And sometimes your whereabouts are not being out getting laid. Sometimes your whereabouts are as simple as browsing through a bookstore; having a beer with a buddy; going to a ball game; staying late at the office; staying late at the office and then going out to watch Monday Night Football; whatever. Once you take a broad in, she will complain about all of that. Oh, sure, there are exceptions. So all you exceptions to the rule, don’t bother calling in, because we know that there are needles in every haystack. But it’s a big frickin’ haystack, you know what I’m saying? Most of us don’t feel like combing through it. The letter writer is, you know, out there. You’re right to ask her for a prenup, to tell her you won’t marry her without a prenup. Oh yeah, she’ll sign if you give her a baby. You know why she’ll sign if you give her a baby? I’ll tell you why. Because as you said, you’ll be into her for 18 to 22 years of payments. It’s all about money. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. 

I have to imagine some of the negotiations regarding prenups have to be fascinating. I have to believe that because we talk about it on the air so much that many of you—either because you heard us talking about it or because you’re just that kind of person and you gravitated to a radio show like this—I have to imagine many of you have confronted your girlfriend, your fiancée, whoever, with a prenuptial agreement, and have had negotiations like this letter writer. You know, you told her there’s going to have to be a prenup. What did she say? How did she respond? Did she say no? Did she stop having sex with you? Did she start negotiating? Have you tried to get her to sign a prenup? Have you told her you won’t get married without a prenup? What was the response?

Pook:

The legal issues of marriage are just the tip of iceberg. There are financial and time issues as well (she taking up your money and time). My best friend understands the legal problems of marriage and has sworn to never marry much to his girlfriend’s annoyance (she has tried to whittle him down but to no avail). However, the two live together and are going to buy a house. This means she has hooks into his money, his time, and, like any other husband, is turning him into a house.

What has got me are all those stupid entertainment shows. How on earth could women watch them? Soap operas at least tell a (bad) story but why fawn over actors and directors who are chumps anyway? I have yet to see a girl fawn over a famous chemist, author, or engineer. It is always these stupid Hollywood people.

You single guys think you are miserable. You are only miserable because you perceive happiness from a slave’s context. So once you find a ‘woman,’ you become ‘happy.’ All the things you do now you take for granted. Observe married men. If they were so happy and joyous, then why are they fat, bald, in constant health problems, and drinking?