“A full workout without the work!”

A good way to become rich is to sell women products designed to help them get a guy. The ‘fitness’ industry gimmicks and silly products they sell to women (since they are obsessed about working out to ensnare a guy) astound me. The Holy Grail to be sold is a product that ‘tones’ your body without doing any of the traditional work.

They’ve done it again, and color me impressed. This time it is a vibrating machine! We can so easily deconstruct this article:

With her heavily muscled arms, you would be forgiven for thinking it is the result of a punishing exercise regime at the gym. But it seems the Queen of Pop’s incredible shape is, in part, thanks to The Power Plate – dubbed the ‘miracle’ machine.

The Queen of Pop has hired trainers both for diet and exercise. A stupid vibrating machine does not do zilch which is why it is mentioned ‘in part.’

The new exercise machine removes the need to actually work out. Manufacturers claim that the vibrating platform offers the same benefits of an hour-long sweaty gym workout in just 15 minutes with the machine burning the calories for you. 

There will NEVER be a machine that removes the need to actually work out. And how in the world can an hour long workout be reduced to 15 minutes?

Body builders know that the machine is not in the gym but it is your body itself. Your body is the machine. Those ‘machines’ and weights are just tools for you to help expand that machine that is your body.

The plate works by giving the body muscles a high speed workout, as the vibrations make them contract and relax up to 50 times a second.

If this is considered a ‘workout,’ then roller coasters at theme parks should make us all buff.

Originally developed by Russian scientist Vladimir Nazarov, whole vibration training was used to prevent astronauts’ muscles and bones wasting when they were in space.

And I’m sure Vladimir Nazaroz also has an interest in the sales of this machine. I live in Houston. I KNOW astronauts (two showed up for my brother’s wedding), even a director at NASA who has fun stories about the Russian cosmonauts they have had to work with. Russian cosmonauts generally aren’t worried about becoming weak in space (to the astonishment of the American crew). While it may be true that vibration training was developed for space, this is because there aren’t too many alternatives to working out up there. It is not like bench presses mean anything in zero gravity.

But fitness experts remain skeptical about the benefits of the machine. Chief executive of the Fitness Industry Association, Andree Dean said: “It should only be used in conjunction with other types of exercise.

“It’s great for those short of time, but it is not a quick fix and people shouldn’t think that if they use it, they don’t have to go to the gym anymore.

“It certainly does not provide cardiovascular exercise, which keeps the heart and blood circulation system healthy.”

This was at the bottom of the article for the obvious reasons.

It’s a joke, and I suspect women will eat it up. I am now kicking myself because I could have sold a vibrating machine to women for ‘toning purposes’ for tons of money.

Body training revolves around the big three: enough sleep (since this is where your muscles grow), proper diet (the hardest part), and correct exercises. Correct exercises are not magical machines. The only magical machine is your own body.

To budding entrepreneurs out there, this is your day. You can profit heavily off of women’s’ Matriarchal distress. Car mechanics, plumbers, and any job women won’t do will heavily profit. Those making scams such as in expensive university degrees, bizzaro exercise machines, and idiotic books that make women feel smart (Da Vinci Code) will make a killing.