Even More Womanese!

Again into infinity, a young man says,

“Oh, help me, great oracle called Sosuave! I have had a scenario with a WOAH-MAN. This happened then, that happened there, X followed Y, Z proceeded N, and R is the result!

“Does she like me?”

Looking for female interest is a course toward disaster. It places you under the master of Reaction rather than Action. However, how many AFCs don’t have a clue that chicks might actually lust after them? And how many have been blinded by their own vanity “Oooohhh, she is flirting” only to be sucked into a trap! Besides, most guys need to realize the world of sexuality out there. Every chick will do a Sexual Scan on you, almost robotic like, and most guys are found lacking.

Bold will be the WOAH-MAN. Regular text will be the translation. Italics will be La Pookeboo.

Someone called me. Was it you? Did you call me?

She wants you to ask for her phone number.

Blah blah, I like dates when blah blah occurs, blah blah…

She wants YOU to ask her out NOW.

It may seem she is girl talking you. However, chicks talk about dating and guys calling them when their mind is on dating. She’s telling you what she wants you to know.

She ‘accidentally’ bumps into you. OOOOPSS! She ‘accidentally’ runs into you. OOOPS!

She is flirting and trying to get your attention, you self absorbed dumbass!

Don’t be shy! I’m not…

#%#^$^$%^!

Loosen up pal! Have fun!

If she keeps on looking in your direction…

She IS looking at you.

She compliments you in any way.

She likes you.

You’ve impressed her.

She becomes more ANIMATED around you, starts dancing and stuff.

She *wants* you.

You look at her and she looks away.

She’s been caught! Now go talk to her.

She sits cross legged with her hand/wrist caught between her legs.

She would do you now if she could.

My boyfriend is so stupid! I can’t believe what he did yesterday! He…

She wants you to steal her from her BOREfriend.

This new guy I am dating makes me feel soooooooooooooooooo good. Oh, you don’t how goooooood he makes me feel!

She has no interest in you and is vomiting her feelings everywhere (gross!).

My boyfriend hurt my feelings… boo hoo….(sob)

Congratulations, you are officially an Emotional Tampon!

How can you tell if you are an emotional tampon, if she is vomiting her feelings, or if she wants you to steal her? It is simple. If her emotions are on herself, she is bleeding her feelings everywhere and making quite a mess. If the feelings are bad, she is using you as the emotional tampon. You are there for her to unload her feelings and get tossed aside. However, if the girl is projecting no feelings of herself and only tearing down her boyfriend, it is obvious what she intends.

You remind me of a guy I used to know…

She has been checking you out but doesn’t want you to think she is overly interested. With this comment, she is ‘covering up’.

Sometimes you might actually LOOK like a guy she knew. Either way, she is noticing your looks.

What do you do for fun?

Are you dating anyone? What is the story with you?

Interested chicks will ask you this because they want you to ask them out, and you haven’t done so yet. They are worried you are taken!

I ask this question to see if a chick had a boyfriend. Knowing her womanese, she answered, “My boyfriend and I go out to…”

We could go on all day about ‘signs’ and such. Generally, look for this:

She becomes more animated. She starts smiling, prancing, spinning in circles, exaggerate body movements, talk in high octaves, and be EXCITED.

This is because YOU are around.

Her clothes will change. She is suddenly wearing NICER outfits and make-up.

Isn’t it obvious?

Very.

She deliberately wears high heeled shoes.

She intends to get fucked tonight.

Women call high-heel shoes their fuck shoes.

She seems disinterested. When talked to, she gets shy.

She likes you.

Women, like guys, get really shy around the person they like. They’ll even fake disinterest.

Her chair is facing a direction from you, but she has her legs up on her seat and has turned towards you.

You have her attention. A VERY good sign!

She looks at you and has a ‘deer in the headlights’ look.

She thinks you are *really* hot.

These chicks are in to your looks. Don’t get a big head and think they love your other qualities.

She ‘appears’ around you. This happens consistently.

She is displaying interest by proximity.

The more statuesque she becomes is bad. She will not smile, give one word answers, de-emphasize her body, move away, and generally be quieter.

“But Pook! She might be NERVOUS!” This is true, she might.

But how can you tell if she is merely using you or truly interested?

WATCH THE EYES! No, they are not those marvelous orbs on her chest. Not her face. Not her hair. WATCH THE EYES! A truly interested woman LOOKS at you. A woman who wants to USE you will have her eyes ELSEWARE, be it on the music, on other people, or anywhere except where they belong: on YOU.

Some other points:

When they like you, some girls try to be very calm and collected around you. “How does this differ than normally?” The difference is that they will hang on every word you say. They will pay 110% attention to YOU. When you leave the room, she WILL squeal in delight.

She wears clothes that exaggerate her ‘figure’. (This is fun to watch, when they think: “If I push my boobs in Pook’s face, I get the Pook!” Silly chicks!)

She tries to talk to you. Or she seems very very receptive to talking to you.

Beautiful women will simply look at your face. They will more likely stare. They will not display obvious signs of interest.

If a woman looks like she has worked to be attractive (make-up, tight clothes, etc.), it’s possible she is single. Once within a relationship, the girls tend to *relax* their wardrobe.

When the seasons change to Autumn and the weather begins to get colder, a taken chick automatically puts on a sweater or coat (you know how girls are when they get *so cold*). You can spot the single chicks because they will still be wearing flesh revealing clothes when her sisters are starting to warm up.

How Young Girls Love

This isn’t exactly Womanese, yet it is a fundamental spectrum of the elements of Womaniverse. Our Universe is composed of elements like hydrogen, carbon, silicon, etc. Womaniverse is composed of elements such as Irony, Contradiction, and Shopping. Our universe has the molecules enter a type of bonding (such as polar bonding) but Womaniverse has its elements linked by feelings. In our universe, energy is the ultimate resource that gives us all things. In Womaniverse, it is ‘love’ or, rather, marriage!

Marriage is the supreme mission of her life, where she expects to receive all things, and so most women aim as high as they can. First, they fall in love with an abstraction. It could be something as simple as a poster image. When they seek union with the abstraction, it turns into thin air. Then, she falls in love with actors or a boy band. She will hang these all throughout her room and turn it into a shrine. She cannot have union with these actors or boy band (as much as she tries) because they are too remote. So then she tries a relative of an actor, or people related with the bands. Again, she fails. Then she latches onto the guy all the girls talk about. It could be *that* guy in town, the son of a business owner, the CEO, the guy that struck big with money and fame. She will go for this guy, but the guy has his pick of the litter and it will not be her. So she wanders to the next guy lower on the totem pole found in Womaniverse, where women mark the available men. Lower and lower she will go until she comes to the clerk, the shopkeeper, or whatever left is male. Then, she marries.

Men love differently from women (a twist of the body and the man falls in love. He is forgetting that an entire woman is there!). Men love the illusion; it is a more pure love. Women don’t have time for such nonsense. They prefer the substance rather then illusion. She will love your dreams and passions only because it means you may better your present condition, not because you see yourself as the dream. She could care less about your intellectual philosophies… it is just masculine chatter to her. She wants to know about your education and job prospects. She would rather have you work in a job you hate to bring in more money then to work in a job you love and remain poor. This type of girl sees you only as a piece of livestock, like a mule, to be an umbrella of stability to place her nest on.

Why am I telling you this? Because guys do not want to know if girls like them or not (so they could ask them out). They want to know to inflate their own ego. This is chick thinking. And, in the end, the women won’t see you as you see yourself.

Listen to your gut. It will *feel* when a chick likes you because sexuality is the sixth sense.

PART TWO: STORY TELLING

For this lesson, we dwell into the strange realm of storytelling. This is a major difference with men and women.

MEN: “I am a hero.” He then might use a story as only a way to SUPPORT the statement.

WOMEN: “OK, let me tell you about the TIME when I heard a scream. I ran over to find out that it was a man that had fallen unconscious. I rushed and called for an ambulance. I gave him CPR and revived him to health.”

The woman makes no mention of her being a hero. Rather then saying ‘I am a hero’, she wastes our time and patience with a long strung story.

Sosuave’s note: Kinda like your LONG posts, eh Mr. Pook?

Hush you, Non-Interacting Site Being! I am illustrating women’s translations by translating women.

So when she goes: “When my parents left my sister, brother, and myself at home, they told me, ‘[HER NAME], YOU are in charge.’ They leave me in charge with of everyone else because they trust me. Blah blah blah”

I am mature.

Yes, she is wagging her tongue just to get the point out that she is mature. So instead of nodding and nodding until you fall asleep, pay attention to whatever POINT she is trying to get across.

Now if you want to get a point across to a chick, perhaps a chick misjudged a trait of you, you play the womanese back to them. If the chick is snobby or thinks you go for any chick, start telling a story that has obviously no point, no purpose, except that it involves women interested in you with you REJECTING them.

“Pook! This is madness!” No, it is womanese. Do not BLURT things, it destroys mystery. Listen to guys who want to try to impress women. Now listen to guys who are Don Juans. The Don Juan will use stories rather then statements, even parables instead of declarations.

PART THREE: THE GIRL’S NETWORK

Even though we have the Internet and global communications networked from satellites that is superior to any other form of communication by Man, there exists another network that is faster, much richer in content, and women have been using it for centuries. It is the Girl’s Network.

If you ever need gossip, or an opinion on someone, just tap into the Girl’s Network and observe how it puts Google to shame. If you ever need to know whether someone is single or attached, hot or not, worthy personality or dud, just tap into the Girl’s Network. Here are some situations of the Girl’s Network in action.

Girl’s Network Working Against You

Ahh, there is a happy little guy skipping about in life. Then, across the room, he spots a WHOA-MAN. He asks her out, completely LIES about himself and everything, and all goes smoothly for a couple of months. Then, she finds out (they ALWAYS find out), she immediately gets on the Girl’s Network. She instantly blackballs the guy, sending the message to her friends and then her friends pass the message along. Soon, it is all over the Girl’s Network.

Our liar asks out another girl. Alas for him! She was tuned to the Girl’s Network and knows about HIM. So he goes for another girl. Again, the same story.

Or say a guy is engaged to a chick. All is good! Except for the thorny fact, the chick has girl friends and, thus, is tapped into the Girl’s Network. The guy is AFCish and dorky. However, he knows that they are ‘in love’ and nothing can stop that. But the Girl’s Network was invented to keep its female members from bad unions. The guy is scanned, analyzed to the umpteenth degree, and found a bad union for the girl. So, the girl who had been engaged to the guy for a year, broke it off.

The guy is enraged. “You broke up with me because your friends didn’t like me!?” No. It was the Network working against him, not the ‘friends’. The way how a guy views his friends is much different from a girl’s. Poor young male! He understands not the Network and so it nailed him.

Spying

Being a hungry Pook, I ate all the food in my Pook Place. So, to no surprise I had to go to the store to get more Pook food! In the store, I spotted a woman worker there glancing at me. Doesn’t matter, I noticed the Pook Meat was on sale. I looked up and saw another glance from another woman worker. I must have been an imaginative Pook to think something was up. Nevertheless, I approached the checkout line.

“Hi!” said the very friendly checker. As my precious little goods rode the little black belt to the happy bags, the checker and I chatted. I wondered how she could know so much about me. Then, I realized it. She used the Girl’s Network to send out spies throughout the store. Yes, girls will spy on you. Whether they reported all the information to HER or others, the point is that women are interconnected through the Network. When a Worthy Guy appears, the women will become spies and note information. Since I came into the store frequently alone, they thought there was a chance.

Social Proof

The ever mentioned Social Proof! But only a fool seeks a woman merely as a prop. Use the Girl’s Network and social proof comes naturally.

There stood I, the sleepy Pook, waiting for a class to begin. But! But there was a test in that class. Being who I was, I was, of course, naturally and diligently prepared… I was busy cramming.

Then appeared a marvelous beauty, dressed in classy clothes (Pook likes the classy gals!). I tried to focus on the words in my book, but her image kept intruding. I stole glances whenever I could. She just stood there, waiting. “Pook! You should have talked to her!” Foolios! I had a test to take!

Then flared in a model, walked briskly over on her long legs, stopped… and talked to Pook. She asked about the test and all of that. When she started talking to me, the other girl started to look at me with wonder. When the model friend left, I got up to go too. The other chick came over to talk to me and to not get me to go. But I place Pook’s life above any and all chicks, and I could not do badly on this test. So I said something to her and went on. I didn’t realize what had happened until later.

“But Pook! Why don’t you go for the model chick?” Gentlemen, she has been networked. Besides, she has too much emotional baggage. She was not a platonic friend, no, she was but a part of the network. Realizing the existence of the Girl’s Network, I wanted to tap into its power. When you’re in the Girl’s Network, chicks talking to you and such are no big deal. Other chicks will look on and wonder because access to the Girl’s Network is only reserved for certain guys, i.e. worthy guys.

Girlfriend Finders

This is my favorite use of the Girl’s Network. Women are emissaries of Nature and desire and seek out proper unions. If you are a good guy, a worthy guy, a man, then the Network will serve you well.

As I write this, a flock of chicks have in the back of their pretty little heads, “Pook needs a chick.” I did not ask them to do this. They just go, “What! You are single? Oh, this we must stop.” And they go off on their lives scouting for me. All women are matchmakers. Why not use that ability to our advantage? They try to create a ‘proper’ union (i.e. the couple must match). So my networked ladies are going off and intend to bring back a ‘very pretty’ chick with little to no baggage. Well, who am I to argue with that? If they want to bring back a gorgeous chick to me, let them!

PART FOUR: DAMAGE CONTROL

No, I am not mistaken. Every woman has the tendency to self-implode. But take heed! These destructive paths in your chick CAN be averted helping you and your chick.

PROBLEM: You have arrived home and… there is no dinner on the table! What to do? What to do?

CLUELESS GUY: WHAT is for dinner?

PLAYER: Can I help you with dinner?

DON JUAN: Where would you like to go for dinner?

Oh, brilliant Don Juan! Like a pro, he diffused his chick and got her out of the house. A woman alone at home too long can become a bad thing. She is less likely to blow up in public.

PROBLEM: It is time to go out! Your lady has spent the last five hours getting dressed. When she emerges, she is wearing puke colored clothes that you hate. Your reaction?

CLUELESS: Are you wearing THAT?

PLAYER: Umm… You look good in brown.

DON JUAN: Whoa! Look at you!

Notice how the Don Juan did not tell her what he THOUGHT she wanted to hear, like the player? His remark will make her look at her dress again and, thus, notice the error.

PROBLEM: Uh oh! You arrive home and find your chick eating a giant box of ho-hos. Right before your eyes, she is growing fat! What is your reaction?

CLUELESS: Should you be eating that?

PLAYER: Hey, there is a lot of fruit in the refrigerator.

DON JUAN: Can I get a glass of wine with that?

Ahh, the Don Juan tries to get the chick to think classy. Clueless guy will just blow-up the chick by talking like that.

PROBLEM: You return after doing a round of errands. Alas! There is your chick! She just woke up, having done nothing all day, and is still in her bathrobe! Your response is?

CLUELESS: What did you DO all day?

PLAYER: I hope you didn’t overdo today.

DON JUAN: I’ve always loved you in that robe.

The Don Juan finds the good in everything! Go Don Juan!

PROBLEM: You are tired of your chick and require another chick. However, you do not want to lose this chick. What do you say to the new chick to get her in the type of diabolical relationship you’ve imagined?

CLUELESS: Yeah, I have girl. I’m looking for something different though.

PLAYER: Attached? No, it is a multi-LTR!

DON JUAN: Hey baby, you want to join the team?

Join the team! And what can they say to that?

PROBLEM: During sex, you suspect your chick is faking the orgasms. What is your next move?

CLUELESS: Hey, you aren’t faking are you?

PLAYER: (Looks to see if the chick’s nipples are hard, if the blood is at the surface of the skin, her body flushed with the right colors…)

DON JUAN: (Doesn’t care since he fakes orgasms himself.) How else is a Don Juan supposed to get some sleep?

Such work it is being a Don Juan! When you are a real Don Juan (and not a wannabe), you are the lust of all the chicks. You will be *busy* to satisfy their… interests.

PROBLEM: Your chick is seen with another guy! How do you play it?

CLUELESS: Hey! Are you flirting with him? What is going on here!?

PLAYER: Hmm! So what’s the story with him?

DON JUAN: Hey! You like Baseball? I have another ticket if you want to go!

A Don Juan interacts with everyone. The best way to ward off a threat is to befriend it. Whatever you do, do not act jealous.

PROBLEM: Alas! Your chick has IMPLODED! She is now hysterical, throwing things around, and her aim is rapidly getting more accurate! What do you say to save yourself?

CLUELESS: What are you so WORKED up about?

PLAYER: Could we BE overreacting?

DON JUAN: Let’s go shopping!

And the Don Juan saves the world from the imploding chick! Gentlemen, “let’s go shopping” are the three words every woman wants to hear.

There you have it, gentlemen! A small little guide to the INFINITE things that can make your chick implode. Byron says,

“Women hate everything which strips off the tinsel of sentiment, and they are right, or it would rob them of their weapons.”

Know your womanese and rob them of the confusion they are so quick to use on us!

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Originally posted by Ice Cold
I still want to ask this, oh the mighty Is it not a form of supplication to offer your monetary gifts to calm down a woman? Is it not devilish manipulation of the Don Juan by the woman who pretends to be upset?

Hi Ice Cold!

The womanese posts aren’t meant to be *serious* posts as we know them =)

Imagine an ENRAGED woman. Then you go, “You seem sad. Let’s go shopping!” and she changes 100%. Hahahaha.

What do girls do when they feel sad and alone? They go shopping. You’re not buying her anything. The aim is to get her to stop being enraged.

It’s a joke. One time a girl did get really unhappy so I tried out the magical three words, “Let’s Go Shopping.” hahaha, her face just BRIGHTENED. All we did was go around, look at stuff.

I don’t completely understand woman’s love for shopping, but it does turn their foul mood around! I’m not saying for guys to go shopping with girls or anything, I’m just putting that out there just as a last case scenario in case your girl IMPLODES. It is like your ‘Avoid Female Meltdown’ card, and its in glass to be used only in an emergency!
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Hey guys, I’m glad you like this womanese post. There’ll be another one.