Kill that desperation!

Being a Don Juan is not a net sum of smooth maneuvers and methods but of your own outlook on the world and on women. ANYONE can memorize ‘techniques’, but FEW can change the way HOW they think. Women will be able to sniff out the former. But with the latter, women will be clawing each other for you.

A Don Juan is a state of mind, not a list of methods and tricks.

This must be stated because it brings us to the subject of ‘desperation’.

In the end, we are all desperate with desire. We wouldn’t be looking for tips and answers if we did not desire a girlfriend or MULTIPLE girlfriends (being a bit ambitious, aren’t we?). We all want a woman (or women), but our desire and feelings brings out the desperation traits within us.

Where I work, I ask the women why they found a co-worker to be so desperate. Here are some of their answers:

-always giving the women attention.
-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)
-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself)
-always available.
-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating).
-etc.

What theme can we find in the above? It is that the man puts the woman on the pedestal rather then himself.

Imagine if a woman did all of the above to you. Imagine if a woman was OBSESSED with you, always calling you, always available, and always spending her free time FOR YOU. Any interest you had for this woman would soon evaporate. Why? Because in your own mind you are thinking two things: “No one else must want her,” AND “If I can get her OBSESSED about me, I know I can get BETTER girls to be interested in me.” Her desperation is turning you off. The same is true for women.

Women are not attracted to desperate men. Period. I’ve told my co-worker this and his response: “Well, that is just who I am.” Eventually, he will realize that the only common denominator in his pattern of crash and burns will be HIM. So if anyone has told you that you’re desperate, consider that its true.

There is a KEY to removing desperation forever. There is no simple ‘trick’ that will kill the desperation. It will not be in how you dress, how you talk, or where you go for dates. No, the KEY is in how you think.

The KEY to killing desperation (and attracting crowds of women) is to THINK and BELIEVE that you are The Great Catch.

Desperate guys do not do this. They see the woman as the prize rather then themselves. They see that the woman must be ‘wooed’ rather then them. They will, thus, supplicate and become a ‘nice guy’. (And nice guys finish LAST.)

If you start treating a woman like precious gold, she will believe she is gold. And once she believes it, she will DUMP YOU because YOU have given her the sense that she is BETTER then you. Once she thinks that, she will want to REPLACE YOU with someone better, because you have given her reasons to believe that YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF HER GREATNESS.

After all, if we think we can ****** someone better, we will. This holds true for both men and women. The last thing we want is to settle for a mate when we could have gotten better. (This is why the element of challenge is so important in the Dating Game.)

The lesson: DON’T GIVE HER A REASON TO THINK SHE IS BETTER. You are the gold; she should be thrilled just to have A CHANCE with you.

The first step in becoming the Prince Charming every woman dreams of is to THINK OF YOURSELF AS A PRINCE.

When you BELIEVE you are that prince, that you are The Great Catch, all the ‘desperation’ signs you were emitting vanish and an aura of attraction will surround you. Combine this manner of thinking with all the Don Juan skills you know, and you will become irresistible.

Let us look at the desperation signs again:

-always giving the women attention.

Now that you’re The Prince, you don’t have time to give women attention. A Prince is kind, ENTHUSIASTIC, smiling, yet YOU have things to do. A Prince’s time is precious. A woman must win your attention; you shall not give it to them.

-calling all the time (and calling immediately once getting the number, immediately returning a call, etc.)

The Great Catch simply CANNOT call all the time because he has tons of other numbers. The Great Catch is not competing for a particular girl. The girls, rather, are competing for him.

-taking every opportunity to talk to them (and telling everything about yourself)

Why would Prince Charming tell everything about himself to a woman? No, the woman must JUSTIFY HERSELF to him because YOU ARE THE GOODS. The Prince would reveal things about himself only as a reward. The woman loves the mystery in this and sees knowing the Prince as peeling layers of an onion, knowing him GRADUALLY.

-always available.

The Great Catch is busy with many many women! She must fight for your time, NOT the other way around.

-NEVER willing to walk away (NEVER willing to disagree, ALWAYS supplicating).

Prince Charming wouldn’t accept ANY disrespect from any woman. If a woman gave him such disrespect, he WALKS AWAY. The Prince KNOWS all these women want to be with him so he can eject at any time.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Pook, I can’t act like a Prince Charming or The Great Catch. I DON’T have tons of women after me.” This is reversing CAUSE and EFFECT. ASSUME you are the Great Catch, THINK that you are, and as you think you shall become. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Treat your hobbies as if they have more value then the women do (or treat your hobbies as if they WERE other women). When you think you are the Great Catch, you will act like it and the women will KNOW that you are.

Women love certain traits in guys. By THINKING you are The Great Catch allows you to emit these traits NATURALLY and without any effort.

-Good looks

You cannot change your genes. But you can change the way how you treat those genes. Does Prince Charming wear raggedy T-shirts? Does the Great Catch walk with his head down? NO! You will wear nice clothes and walk with pride BECAUSE you are proud of yourself. After all, you ARE one of the best. So treat yourself accordingly.

Anyone can wear a suit. But few can wear a suit proudly. Few can wear a suit that seems to fit them naturally and creates an aura of importance. Good carriage, excellent threads, are the CONSEQUENCE by how you think of yourself. Women know this and is the reason why you are judged by this criteria.

-Humor

Girls LOVE humor. Prince Charming and the Great Catch are funny because they know that they, themselves, are fun. They don’t worry, “My goodness, she is really cute! How can I attract her!?” They ASSUME she will be attracted and they have fun in the meantime.

Don’t be shy. Let your personality SHINE. When you think you are the Great Catch, this should come more naturally because you have nothing to fear.

-Dominance

You are THE MAN. You must be IN CHARGE. Desperate guys will try to be ‘nice’ in every which way to win the girl (and fail, of course). But Prince Charming and the Great Catch will SWEEP WOMEN OFF THEIR FEET. When you THINK you are the goods, you realize that it is ridiculous to treat a relationship and flirting as walking on eggshells. YOU set the rules, NOT the other way around. After all, YOU are the prize to be sought.

Look at the soap operas and romance novels for grounds of this. Women like to be in the presence of a MAN, not a boy, not a chump, and certainly not a ‘nice guy’.

Dominance is also being sure of yourself. Do not speak in a soft tone. Speak STRONGLY and behave STRONGLY. After all, do you think Prince Charming worries about making mistakes? No, so neither should you.

I know, I know. I can hear you saying, “But I must worry about mistakes or else I’ll have another ‘learning experience’ on my hands.”

This is a GOOD THING. Let us say that, in a normal conversation, you came across a word you did not know how to pronounce. Most people will utter the word softly for fear of criticism. This is stupid. Say the word LOUD! Let me repeat, say the word LOUD! If you are wrong, you will be corrected. Clearing up mistakes is ALWAYS a good thing and should NEVER be feared.

The same applies with dating. Do not date with hesitation and shyness; date with all conviction. Remember, the biggest risk you can take in life is not to take any risks at all.

-Ambition

When you think yourself as The Great Catch, you KNOW women are not the priority of your life. After all, the Great Catch knows he can get any woman whenever he wants. When you feel good about life, you cease to fear success and demand Life show all that it has. Aim for the moon. If you miss, at least you’ll be among the stars.

So in the end, too often men think they need a girlfriend to have their life ‘complete’. The consequence is that these men will emit signs of desperation. Success is achieved first through the mind, then through the world, never the other way around.

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Originally posted by shakes:

This all sounds great Pook, but I have one conflicting question. I always here my friends and other people say; “You cannot be laid back when it comes to girls, you have to be very assertive.”(maybe its just New jersey) I liked your advice, but it almost seems like this is a laid back approach with women. How can you be assertive and aggressive without apppearing desperate? I have definitely realized in my 23 years….shy guys and non-aggressive guys get no where with woman.

Hi shakes

How can you be assertive and aggressive without appearing desperate?

Be selective and picky, not ‘on the prowl’ or ‘hungry’. (Who knows? That next girl may be the one you marry. Might as well have high standards!)

ALWAYS be willing to walk away. NEVER accept low interest responses (AD’s posts cover this well).

Shy guys and non-aggressive guys get no where with woman.

I am (was) extremely shy and very non-aggressive. You can use it to your advantage!

For Non-Aggressiveness

For some reason, I tend to attract flocks of chicks. They hit on me, touch me, try to get me to ask them out (and I don’t, heh heh). Other guys my age I talk to a few have had the same thing. We found out the reason why, as was summed up by what one girl told me:

“You’re not like most guys. You’re different, intelligent, and SEXIER THEN A GREEK GOD!”

OK, maybe she didn’t say THAT. But she did say that I was different and not like most guys. Why? Because I WASN’T hitting on every chick. I wasn’t out ‘hustling’ the girls.

Guys who want a girlfriend hit on girls all the time.

Here are some facts:

Fact A: Guys who hit on girls appear desperate and needy.
Fact B: Girls want guys who don’t need girls. (I like AD’s metaphor: Be as free as a bird. Girls want to seize that bird and TOSS IT in a cage! That cage is called commitment.)

THEREFORE, guys shouldn’t ‘hit on’ girls. (Guys hit on girls because they are needy. Change your thinking and you cease to be needy, and you’ll naturally stop hitting on girls.)

I think it is best to treat a chick, no matter how hot and steamy she is, no matter how cute and perfect, as a guy. The only exception is don’t talk technical stuff with them like you would with a guy (computers, cars, how to lay chicks, etc.) They will LOVE this. With the girls I like, I talk about THEM and they become more and more attracted to me because guys do not do this.

That is how I used my non-aggressiveness to my advantage. It can be excellent for creating attraction (in some situations). Problem is that you have to turn it off eventually and GO FOR HER. (And you KNOW that she will say, “YES! Oh, this is the luckiest day of my life!” because you think are Prince Charming. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.)

Using shyness as an advantage

Shy people THINK too much. Shy people react to situations when they should be acting/initiating. But when you’re on a date or any time talking to a woman you like, you can use your shyness as an advantage. Shy people do not go around talking about themselves or try to sell themselves because they hate talking in general (girls hate this anyway. See? Much goodness already). When she asks you about yourself, give her a general answer and turn the conversation back on her. Shy people’s advantage is

they let women flap their gums!

The Art of Conversation is a great article at sosuave.com. She flaps her gums, you take something she said that you agree with, paraphrase it in your own words, and feed it back to her. She will levitate before your very own eyes!

See? Shyness and non-aggression can be GREAT virtues rather then the vices they seem to be.

I get my women from the workplace (it makes work seem like recreation!). However, in a workplace setting you have to be careful as a reputation sticks. Go out with every girl and you are labeled a player (which women hate). Hit on every girl there, you will instantly be stamped ‘Mr. Desperate’ and all the girls will laugh at you. (I’ve seen it happen to poor chumps.) Act reserved by demonstrating your FUN personality and you will KNOW when they will be DYING for you to ask them out. Sometimes they’ll even bring themselves to ask YOU out (which you say no! They become even more intrigued for guys don’t turn down girls).

Clubs and parties are not the place, I think, for shy non-aggressive people. I get better results when I can talk to people without SHOUTING ALL THE TIME.

You can get away with hitting on women if you won’t see them again (in the workplace or classroom, they will remember and reputations stick).

Just because you get a date does not mean you stop being attractive. You must make your attractiveness consistent by continually thinking yourself as the Great Catch or as Prince Charming. For if you DON’T, then you start to put her on a pedestal and have that fatal romance disease known as desperation.

Right now, I’m in a situation where I’m on the verge of dating two women. Even though I’ve read the articles on this site a billion times and read this forum daily, I can feel myself wanting to ‘fall’ in infatuation.

It is all in our minds of how we look at the women. See,

Good Pook:

“I wonder what FUN I can have with her! I wonder what NEW THINGS I’ll learn about women from her. I wonder what happens if I try this strategy on her…”

Bad Pook:

“Wowza! She is HOT! I hope I look and act all right! I really really hope I don’t do anything stupid or dumb tonight.”

Notice the difference? When Pook is bad, he places the ‘success’ of the night on if HE doesn’t ‘screw up’ (which he will because he is worried to death about it). When Pook is good, he places the ‘success’ factor on the experimentation and fun (which as a result the Pook will come across as fun and different).

Be the Good Pook!