On Shyness

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As a formerly EXTREMELY shy person, I can say that shyness is NOT a form of insecurity. In other avenues than person, shy people can be extraordinarily confident.

It is entirely possible to be confident but be introverted.

It is also possible to be insecure but be extroverted.

No, shyness is thinking that EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU. It is a form of junior high school following you. If you get up from your seat, people will look at you. You speak up, people look at you. And so on. This means you will less likely speak, less likely get up, and since every time you do you think you walk on a stage and everyone will notice you.

What shy people need to realize is that you could walk in front of a bus, get *thwumped!*, and no one would really notice. No one is going to care what you do or who you are. You are not a celebrity. You do not have cameras pointing at you. You are not important. You are nothing.

Shyness is also confused with hesitation. Hesitation is usually a result of unfulfilled desires. As Humans, we yield to less pain rather than more pain. Should I approach her? We yield to what we think is the less pain, not approach. Hesitation is solved when we realize that Inaction is more painful and that rejection is better than regret.

2- Get a job
Get a job in which you work with alott of people or in which you HAVE to talk to a lott of people. Start working in a big store for example. At start it’s scary talking to all the people but after a while it becomes second nature.

Your #2 of a job was one of the things that helped me. More interestingly, I worked with only women. Aside from getting used to women, I got to figure out what was going on in their minds. Everyday was a religious experience.

4- Go out!!
This one is more aimed at the younger people (25-). Go out. Get offline and go out. Every friday and saturday go out!! go to the club with some friends and have a good time. Dance. Socializing at a club is easy because everybody is there because they want to socialize. Talk to people you vaguely know from something (hey wasn’t I in the same school with you blablabla). Ok now don’t stop going out until you are comfortable going out ALONE!! (or until you run out of money). When you are comfortable going out alone you probably have alott of vague aquantances which leads to point

Good post, but I don’t think #4 will help the shy people. Usually shy people are pretty smart (since they are reading and such rather than socializing) and many will think the clubbing and dancing scene is stupid (which is fine, we all have different tastes). As long as you go out and do something you like rather than where you think ‘the girls are’ you’ll do fine. I’d take a museum, opera, or art gallery over any club but that’s just me (and TONS of chicks are there too). Not everyone is into the clubbing scene.

On the DJ chat, I saw this problem come up numerous times. It wasn’t that the guy was scared of rejection. He was scared of success!

“Pook! What do you mean? Why be scared of success?”

Because if she said yes, he didn’t know WHERE TO GO. What should they do? He had no idea.

This is why, before you can start to date women, you must be able to DATE YOURSELF! That’s right, DATE YOURSELF. Try going out to these places by yourself or with your friends first. This will:

-Make you more comfortable

You already know the place, are comfortable with it, and know what to expect. This is important since when you are with a girl and new to it all, it is enough for the shy guy to be out with the girl let alone in a new and strange place. This will make your job a lot easier.

-Makes you prepared.

You can speak of the places or so where you want to go with confidence and ease. You know the route and the best way to drive there. You KNOW what the costs will be, what the environment will be, so you know how much money to take and what to wear.

For the shy guys wishing they were girls, this is why you should be thankful you are the guy. You get to know BEFOREHAND where you want to go so you have all the time in the world to be prepared.

-Makes you have fun.

With you being comfortable and prepared, already your time will be more enjoyable. Since you have all those shy guy worries put away like what to wear, the cost, what the environment is, and so on, you get to focus ON HER and have fun with her.

Good luck guys. Don’t let ANYTHING steal your joy!