Listen to this post:
Hidden, thanks for sharing with all the details. I know that took an effort to write and its hard looking back at such a bad time when all you want to do is forget about it and move on.
I’m finding myself in a *similar* situation. The girl was hitting on me very very hard, yet I turned her down (haha!). But I admit, I was very very flattered (what bigger boost is there to the ego then a chick hitting on you HARD?). We’ve been playing lots of phone tag. I’ve noticed that infatuation has creeped up on me.
Most guys on this forum are (or were) nice guys. SPOT INFATUATION AS SOON AS IT BEGINS. It is important to SEE infatuation before you mistake it as ‘love’. This is what makes puppies out of nice guys.
I’m willing to walk away at the drop of the hat. I know she’s not worth it. But I’ll play along for now, let the clock tick, and see what happens. Women seem to be very patient and letting the clock tick is one of the best things I’ve found so far.
Anti-Dump is semi-right that a women will not find it interesting if *she* initiates the date/meeting/etc. But the woman wouldn’t initiate it if she didn’t want it.
But that brings us to a contradiction. After all, wouldn’t WE find it boring to initiate a date/meeting/etc.? Of course, this isn’t true. So if men do not get bored with initiating a date/meeting/etc. then why would a woman? I think Anti-Dump has missed something here.
Women use sex to get relationships; men use relationships to get sex. That is how the sexes are wired. The latter demands reproduction, the former demands nurturing. Both are essential to the continuance of the species.
If you were to find out that the woman you were dating was a slut and *easy*, you would quickly stop dating her. (unless you planned to ‘use’ her, but that’s a whole different story)
Now let’s say you are female. You find out that the guy you were dating is *easy* emotionally and becomes instantly infatuated with you (i.e. NICE GUY). You would quickly stop dating him (unless you planned to ‘use’ him and milk him of his money, etc. but that’s also a whole different story).
Just because a woman INITIATES the contact doesn’t mean its uninteresting to her (hell, she wants it to happen or else why go through the trouble?). What is important to remember that us guys would take that initialization of contact and turn it into infatuation (“Whoa! She’s asking me out! Man, I’m killer stuff! She must really like me!).
The reaction is that we guys become flattered and become very easy emotionally for them. The point is not that the initialization done by the woman that makes the man uninteresting, but the man surrendering emotionally to the women that initiates it.
Any thoughts on this?
[Later on, referring back to this post]
I now disagree with what I wrote there about the girls initializing dates/romance. I have never, in my life, seen a girl initiate a date for romantic interests. Girls will flirt to tell you they are interested, guys confirm your interest by asking for their number.
Just from observation, guys seem to fall in love much, much faster then girls do. The best defense I see from falling into infatuation so soon, so fast is to have interest in other women. This will prevent the she’s-the-only-one-for-me disease.
Men want sex. Women want relationships. If they make it hard for us, then why should we not make it hard for them as well?