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I know not how others see it; but as for me, I see Don Juaning as making dreams come true.
Dreams! The spice of life, the universal spring of success! But I must be wrong, for Bryan Redford says, ”stick to your own league.”.
Stick to your own league! What does that mean? Does that mean there exists an aristocracy of genetics, and that we happened to be on the bottom, the status of clowns and peasants to these princesses and princes?
“Forgive me, madam. But you, dear, are out of my league.” Is this what we should say to the girls we find gorgeous and beautiful? But why stop there? Why not ask, “Oh, please, may I have permission to speak to you, princess?” or “Thank you, dear, for letting me be in your graceful presence.”
“Pook, you exaggerate.”
Do I? Don’t misunderstand. I think Redford has some wise things to say, but that column of desiring beautiful women is the worst advice I’ve seen. Never cede your dreams for you risk losing your soul.
Redford says that there does in fact exist ‘leagues’, a type of genetic (or social) aristocracy. Just as one would love crumbs and blobs of fat if you were starving, Redford compares overweight women to absolutely no women (taking a page out of the ‘How to Love Fat Bloated Hags’, a sub-genre of the worst relationship books).
Redford then says… Wait! I will let him speak for himself:
“By that I mean no matter how great you think you are, or how deserving you feel you may be, the real world put you back in your place and gave you a reality check. You eventually accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your Honda. You also learn rather quickly that a Honda can take you to the exact same places a Mercedes can take you to.”
Now for those of you who are cheering his words as “Wonderful!” and “Brilliant!”, I ask only for a full actualization of his advice.
Let us place Redford in front of a custodian. Speak, Redford:
“How are you! You may think that you can do better but the real world puts you in your place and gives you a reality check. You must accept it, adjust to it and learn to appreciate and enjoy your custodial duties.”
And if the custodian responds, “I know I can do better,” what would Redford say? Quiet! Let us hear him:
“If you were starving, would you scoff at your work? No! You would get on your hands and knees and thank God for your fortune. You also learn that a custodian’s paycheck feeds and clothes you just as any other paycheck would.”
This ‘advice’ is called Settling for Mediocrity. If you do it with women, why not use it for every other avenue of your life? Mediocrity in the pursuit for a splinter of joy is no joy at all. For me, the pursuit of the dream is the joy.
The letter writer did admit that he was physically overweight. But that does not mean he has to settle and cede his dreams. (I for one would not want a Mercedes or a very nice car since I know it would be stolen. But if you want a Mercedes, just go get one. There are no limits to what we can accomplish.)
A friend of mine is also faced in a similar situation. He is twenty six, lives with his parents, works at the same grocery store for more then half a decade, has no long term plans for the future, doesn’t work out, and demands a beautiful woman. Obviously, he is caught in a bubble of fantasy.
There is nothing wrong with going for high standards. But, there is a catch. It is this catch, when not obeyed, will keep you in that bubble of fantasy. In fact, Shakespeare has saying on it in which he says…
“The catch, Pook. Get to the catch.”
Very well. Here it is:
The high standards you apply to your desires must be applied to yourself.
Do you want a woman who is not overweight? Then you must eliminate your overweight. Do you want a woman who is intellectually brilliant? Then you must hit the books, read the classics, think, and expand your mind. Do you want a woman who is athletic? Then you too must become athletic.
Try, if you want, to get a woman who is better then you in these traits. You may or may not succeed. But only demand that which you can reflect as well. This forces you on the path of self-improvement.
Let me tell you a story. In my late Nice Guy phase, I fell infatuated with this girl. (Yeah, not uncommon. I know.) And like every Nice Guy, I dreamed of our blissful future. When I would get around her, I become very tense with butterflies in my stomach. Oh, how I dreamed about her! More important, I dreamed about us. So I eventually bit the bullet and asked her out. Guess what her response was?
She said no! My soul buckled and I was literally crushed.
Later, when I shrugged off that Nice Guyness, I was looking for a girlfriend. I thought a break came when a girl, a bit homely, had fallen in love with me a few months later. I thought, “Should I go for her?” Then I realized, “NO!” (Later, I realized that she and my crush were good friends. I eventually found out my crush tried to ‘set us up’.) I knew I could do better. And I did.
By focusing on my interests, on my goals, on my improvement, everything changed. Other girls started to take an interest in me. Soon, I became the biggest mystery. My ‘crush’ is bewildered for her friends have the hots for me and older women say, “How I wish I were twenty years younger!” I became the guy the girls talked about when they were alone. And she had placed me in the ‘average’ category. Ha!
Of course, I lost all attraction for her. I felt embarrassed about my past self. How could I get so whipped by a chick I hardly talked to? Now it doesn’t matter, for I have the mindset that I’m going to win the world.
Perhaps you can relate to the story. But the point is that I disagree with Redford in this: The fault is not in the standards; it is ourselves. The failure is not in our high standards; it is failing to apply those standards in ourselves.
There IS an aristocracy. But it is not an aristocracy of genetics; it is an aristocracy of WILL and PASSION. Name any name in history, any grand person in present, and see if it was their DRIVE that got them where they are. There is no lottery of life. The leagues you see are the ones you create in your own mind. Anyone can get a beauty. Hell, even Voltaire had the audacity to say, “Give me ten minutes of talk and I shall bed the Queen of France.”
Aim high! And as each standard increases, so does yourself. In this manner, you benefit from your fantasy for now it is tethered to reality, yanking you forward in your proper destiny.
Aim high! And behold, for everything shall become new. The women you were lusting for earlier will seem lowly, for you have been on the course of self-improvement while they have not. You worked out; they remained scrawny. You read; they wasted their time. You saved your money and pulled yourself up; they are locked in debt.
Aim high! For Redford says, “Your life depends on it,” and he is more correct then ever, but not in how he means it.
Here is your choice: settle for mediocrity or aim high. The former is simple, can occur right now, and only requires the selling of your dreams. The latter demands rigor, the higher you aim the more rigorous, but your dreams can come true.
Aim high! For Strindberg says, “I dream, therefore I exist.” For to dream is to become.